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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28001367">Maybe it's not about being alone</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopelessly_me/pseuds/hopelessly_me'>hopelessly_me</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Barton Pep Talk, Clint just wants to be alone, Clint might have a bit of a crush, Clint shows Bucky his favorite hiding spot, Clint teases Steve, Gen, Helpful Clint, Hesitant Bucky, JARVIS is a good bro, Romanogers is a low key thing, Sharing a drink, Tired clint, mention of death (of minor characters), names only best friends can call you, opening up slowly, playful Clint, sharing a blanket, slightly flirty Bucky, slightly flirty Clint</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 19:27:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,592</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28001367</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopelessly_me/pseuds/hopelessly_me</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>No matter how often Natasha suggested it or how often Steve had those sad puppy dog eyes going, Clint Barton was not going to be yet another person who tries to tell Bucky Barnes how to heal. Who was Clint to tell someone that being alone wasn’t the answer when that was his primary go to? But on the day that Clint wanted to be alone the most, he realized something he hadn’t before- maybe it wasn’t about being alone after all.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>136</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Winterhawk Bingo Round Two</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Maybe it's not about being alone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is for my Winterhawk Bingo fill 04 (being alone).</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Morning Cap,” Clint greeted, smacking Steve on the back when he passed.</p>
<p>“It’s noon,” Steve said, sounding both amused and exasperated.</p>
<p>“Time is relative, my friend,” Clint answered as he made his coffee. “Hey, where’s your friend at? The cute one?” He knew it was a risk pissing Steve off before training but it was a risk he was willing to take. He had been cooped up in his apartment for three days, sleeping off a serious case of the Mondays, and now he was ready for action. He had lost time to make up for, after all. Clint came back with his coffee and Steve stared at him with a blank face. “Come on. You know the one,” he heckled. “Maybe an inch taller than Nat, long brown hair, undress-me blue eyes, sexy kink-inspired arm.”</p>
<p>Clint was ready for Steve to yell at him. He was ready for the speech about sexualizing people, or maybe how Clint needed to steer clear of Bucky, or even just a firm ass kicking before he told Clint not to say it again. Instead, Steve dropped his head to his hands and pushed his hair back before he held the back of his neck.</p>
<p>“Let me ask you something,” Steve said, sounding tired. Clint couldn’t remember the last time Steve sounded tired without a mission involved. Clint frowned and took up a chair near Steve, pulling his legs up. “When you brought Natasha into S.H.I.E.L.D., how long did it take for her to trust everyone around her?”</p>
<p>“Bold of you to assume she trusts the people around her,” Clint answered.</p>
<p>“You know what I mean,” Steve sighed.</p>
<p>“A while,” Clint answered vaguely. “You know he’s going to be okay, right?” Clint asked. Steve looked up at Clint with those kicked puppy eyes, and it almost, <em> almost </em>made him feel bad for egging Steve on prior to this discussion. “Barnes. He’ll be okay. He needs time. Having you hovering isn’t going to help. After New York it took me a while to trust that I was me again, that no one else could influence my decisions so easily, bend and mold me to their will. Barnes? He just needs the time to learn who he is again. After that, he’ll have an easier time than Nat.”</p>
<p>“How can you know that?” Steve asked.</p>
<p>Clint smiled and hid his face behind his coffee mug. “Because he has you, you idiot,” he replied before he took a sip. Steve didn’t look convinced. “You think I brought Natasha in with her trusting me? She hated me, but she hated them more. She came in with no one and nothing in her corner. I mean, I tried and worked hard, but that didn’t change her mind set for a while.” Clint set his mug down. “Barnes has you. He has someone that he can trust. He just needs to get all of this straight first.” Clint waved his hand over his head. “You just need to prepare to be there for him in the way he needs you to be. Right now? That way is letting him have his peace and quiet.”</p>
<p>Natasha strolled off the elevator. “Boys,” she greeted.</p>
<p>“Natasha,” Steve greeted. “Barton was just telling me how you hated him when you were pulled into S.H.I.E.L.D..”</p>
<p>Natasha was silent as she made her tea. Clint sipped his coffee, reaching across the table to grab a donut. Natasha joined them shortly after. “I stabbed him a few times,” she said casually. “Said my hand slipped.” Steve looked horrified for a second.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry, I stabbed her back,” Clint promised Steve, which didn’t make him look any less horrified.</p>
<p>“Then one day he asked me to grab his coffee like his secretary-”</p>
<p>“I always got your tea!” Clint said defensively.</p>
<p>“-so I made it decaf.”</p>
<p>“In other words- we did <em> not </em> get along right away,” Clint said. “And I am still kinda mad at you for the decaf bit since we got sent to Syria on a rush mission and I didn’t have my caffeine for <em> days</em>.” Thinking about that mission still hurt. “After all those times with the tea with that lemon and honey bullshit you pulled. Liking lemon and honey my ass.” </p>
<p>Natasha smiled a bit mischievously and sipped her tea. “I’m guessing Barton is doing a Barton pep talk about Barnes and you?” Natasha asked, looking at Steve, who only nodded. Natasha considered it before she turned in her seat to look at Clint. “You should talk to him.”</p>
<p>“I just came off a three day stint of staying in my apartment because you all make my head hurt, pretty sure I’m <em> not </em> the one to have a mental health talk with Barnes,” Clint said before he got up with his coffee. “Just let the guy work it out. Decades being made to do the things you don’t want? It’s a lot. You don’t magically heal from it. Pushing him is only going to make the guy miserable.” Clint pointed his mug towards Natasha. “I’d ask you for a coffee but you’re a bitch.”</p>
<p>Natasha winked at him before blowing him a kiss. “Don’t act like I’m not your favorite bitch.”</p>
<p>“Since when did bitch become a word friends use lovingly?” Steve asked with a sigh.</p>
<p>“Since I met Natasha,” Clint answered.</p>
<p>“Since I met Clint and he is the only one allowed to call me that to my face,” Natasha agreed with a fond smile. She reached across the table, taking one of Steve’s hands. “Lucky for you- we have plans today. So you aren’t going to be worrying about Barnes for too much longer.”</p>
<p>“Oh God, gross. I hate you two dating,” Clint grumbled, turning his back to them with a smile.</p>
<p>“Thank you for the advice,” Steve called as Clint headed for the elevator.</p>
<p>“I’ve got loads more,” Clint said, stepping in and turning. “Don’t do anything I would do.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was a few weeks later before Clint heard about Barnes again. He caught glimpses here and there of the elusive housemate, but there weren't any interactions. Clint didn’t particularly mind not being buddy-buddy with the guy yet. Hell, he didn’t care if they never became buddy-buddy, although that would make working together a little harder.</p>
<p>Despite Natasha’s constant suggestion that Clint talk to Bucky, Clint refrained. He was not going to be yet another person to tell Bucky what to do, how to feel. He certainly wasn’t going to start a group for formerly brainwashed assassins. Clint barely even knew the guy, only meeting him a handful of times in the last few months. Every time he punched out the same line to her. <em> There is nothing wrong with being alone. </em> He knew it was a crock of shit, but it seemed to satisfy Natasha enough to give him a breather.</p>
<p>Steve’s puppy dogs were threatening to do the trick though. It was hard turning Steve down when he got all pouty faced. Clint was thankful that his best friend at least couldn’t pull off the same pity face, which didn’t particularly make it easier for him to ward her off, but it hurt less when he did.</p>
<p>Clint had just gotten home from a mission and was taking his time in the team locker room. He had put most of his weapons away and sat on the bench in front of his locker, shirtless and taking a breather. He wasn’t injured unless you counted a few good bruises and general stiffness, but he was tired. Why Fury and Hill signed him up for team training on missions was past him- he hated that stuff. But no one died so he didn’t really have a right to complain.</p>
<p>The door to the locker room opened up and boots came to a screeching halt. Clint turned his head and was faced with a completely surprised Bucky Barnes. Clint took in his outfit- dark jeans, a red shirt, and a black moto jacket. He was obviously off to somewhere. Clint afforded him a small smile before he turned away and looked at his locker.</p>
<p>“Morning,” Clint greeted. It was somewhere around three o’clock. Clint got up with a groan and started pulling his change of clothes out that he had tucked away there when he had left a few days previous. He wrinkled his nose at his choice before he sighed. He was stuck in jeans, he wanted his sweats, and a few minutes to get to his room sounded awful. He briefly thought about just going in his boxers- he had done weirder things.</p>
<p>Clint closed the locker and nearly jumped, a muscle pulling on his side and he hissed. Bucky was still standing there, still in shock. “You alright?” Clint asked carefully. Bucky blinked once and nodded. “You worried I’m gonna tell Steve?” he asked but was met with silence. “Look, I won’t tell Steve shit. Go out, have fun, do what you want.”</p>
<p>“I’m not supposed to leave the Tower without someone,” Bucky said.</p>
<p>“Yeah, been there. Left this place anyway,” Clint said, giving up on the idea of being respectable and taking his tac pants off. “You on a monitor?” Bucky shook his head. “So what’s stopping you from going?” Clint asked, and he was yet again met with silence. Clint sighed and tossed his uniform into the laundry basket that was his, not surprised to find that it was starting to overfill. He was going to dread laundry day. “Look, go out and have fun, Buck. Here.” Clint reached into his locker and grabbed his wallet, offering it up. “Have a drink or two on me. Just don’t bring strippers home or something and tell Cap I gave you approval.”</p>
<p>Pink flashed across Bucky’s face at the mention and Clint grinned, leaning against the locked. “I can’t- I can’t take your money,” Bucky said slowly.</p>
<p>“Sure ya can.” Clint walked by, favoring his one side before he passed Bucky and slipped his wallet into his back pocket. “Just put it back into my locker when done. The pass code is 1984.”</p>
<p>Clint was almost out the door when he heard Bucky call. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Any time, Barnes.” Clint gave him an over the shoulder wave. “Jarvis- make sure Cap doesn’t hear about this one. The guy needs a break from this place. If Tony asks… tell him I’m requesting Steve doesn’t find out.”</p>
<p>“<em>Of course Agent Barton. However, do you think this is a wise decision</em>?”</p>
<p>Clint stepped into the elevator and leaned off to the side. The cool wall elicited a content sigh. “He needs space and he needs freedom. He isnt going to get that if he doesn’t start feeling comfortable being on the move. So yeah- he’ll be back, he’ll be confused by my not telling anyone, and he’ll be happy for it. Anyway- gotta make sure he likes me so if I stupidly ask that man out he won’t clobber me.”</p>
<p>Clint wasn’t exactly sure how happy Bucky had been until he woke up with a laundry basket outside his apartment door, and Clint was pretty sure that was the best thank you he had ever received.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was several days later that Clint started his yearly ritual. April twenty-second. He took the same few days off every year; it was painfully predictable which was something Clint didn’t enjoy but it had to be done. They were days where he couldn’t think past his own life, and he had made the mistake once to take a mission on one of those days and it ended poorly; Clint wasn't exactly a slow learner.</p>
<p>Clint changed into the comfiest pair of sweats he owned and the thickest sweatshirt. He pulled a hat over his head and gloves on his hands. It was three in the morning- the perfect time to disappear and not come back until the next day. Clint walked out of his bedroom and shoved his feet into his boots because he needed the extra grip.</p>
<p>Today was one of those days that Clint needed to be alone. While he carried his hearing aids on him, he didn’t have a single intention of using them. He grabbed his backpack that he had packed earlier in the day and headed off for the elevator wordlessly.</p>
<p>It wasn’t until he made it to the roof that his plans got shot down. He took a few steps out before he noticed Bucky standing near the edge. If it wasn’t for the fact that Clint did the same thing often enough he probably would have been worried. Clint scuffed his boots and Bucky turned to look at him. Clint saw lips moving but he didn’t bother trying to read them.</p>
<p><em> You sign </em> Clint asked, met with confusion. With a sigh of defeat, Clint grabbed his hearing aids and put them in. Bucky watched him closely the whole time, a storm under his blank mask. “Look pal, you are gonna have to learn some basic sign language to live here.”</p>
<p>“They all know how to sign?”</p>
<p>“Nope, but snipers gotta help each other out. I’m deaf, you gotta learn sign,” Clint answered. Bucky looked confused by the exchange, even uncomfortable. “I’m joking. Do you need anything?”</p>
<p>Bucky’s smile was short lived but it was bright. “Just getting air.”</p>
<p>“Steve driving you crazy?” Clint guessed. Bucky hesitated before he looked down. “You gotta tell him what your boundaries are, man. You tell him, he’ll listen.”</p>
<p>“He is just trying to see me be… I dunno, me again.”</p>
<p>Clint tensed at the words and the bag on his shoulder slipped off and he carefully lowered it to the ground. It took a minute, maybe two, but Clint reached out and touched Bucky’s arm. “Come with me,” Clint said. “I… I want to show you something.” He turned and snatched his bag back up, tucking his hands into his pockets.</p>
<p>It wasn’t the same. Normally by now Clint would be scaling down the side of the Tower quietly, his feet not making a sound. Today he took the elevator with Bucky, found the small access door Tony installed because watching Clint dangle from the roof apparently was enough to give him a heart attack. Clint walked into the small space and pulled the throw blanket from his bag, setting his bag off to the side.</p>
<p>“Why is this here?” Bucky asked, moving towards the edge of the A to glance out over the city.</p>
<p>“Long story short, I needed a place to go that the others rarely come to,” Clint answered. “Can’t hear the alarms from here, the cell service is spotty at best. It’s a… it’s a good place to go if you need to be alone.”</p>
<p>Clint set up his spot and made himself comfortable. He looked at Bucky before he looked out at the city. Bucky turned and looked at him. Wordlessly, Clint pulled his blanket up, and Bucky slipped in.</p>
<p>“Why are you here today?” Bucky asked.</p>
<p>“Death date of my parents and childhood,” Clint answered, grabbing his bag. “If I knew I would have company I would have brought you something. Sorry.” He grabbed his thermos and took a drink before he held it out. “Irish coffee?”</p>
<p>Bucky took it and took a drink, handing it back. His eyes looked back out at the city. “Do you ever feel like you don’t deserve a second chance?”</p>
<p>“I do and then I tell my idiot brain to shut up and let my smart brain catch up,” Clint answered. He crossed his legs at his ankles. “I want to tell you that it gets easier, and in a lot of ways it does. But that feeling? It doesn’t leave,” Clint admitted. “But you learn to move on, to live. They call it learning to cope or some bullshit.” Clint turned his head to look at Bucky. “You’re still whole, Bucky. You aren’t broken, pieces of you aren’t missing. Well, I mean- mostly,” Clint said, eyes darting down to the metal arm for a moment before he looked back up. “You just fell and you are learning to stand again. That’s all.”</p>
<p>Bucky nodded and took a deep, cleansing sort of breath. Clint looked away and focused on what was out ahead of him. “You aren’t broken either,” Bucky said.</p>
<p>Clint smiled a little. “Nah. I’m not broken.” Clint knocked his boots to the side, knocking into Bucky’s. “You don’t have to do this alone, Barnes. You don’t have to be alone. Never again.”</p>
<p>Bucky leaned back and for the first time since Clint ran into him, Bucky seemed to be at peace. They sat in silence for a few hours, the sky slowly turning from a dusky black to an array of colors. Clint could still remember waking up to the sound of cops pounding on the door; he had thought it was awesome that he got to go for a ride in a squad car. He could still remember the way the night sky broke into dawn, the colors very much the same as they were today.</p>
<p>“I’ve been feeding a stray kitten,” Bucky admitted out of nowhere. Clint looked over. “I keep telling myself it will be okay if I bring it in, that nothing is going to happen.”</p>
<p>“Do you like this kitten?” Clint asked, taking another sip from his coffee.</p>
<p>“I named it,” Bucky answered without looking at Clint.</p>
<p>Clint smiled a little. “Well hell, Buck.” Clint stretched out his legs. “You know, my plan for today was to come to my safe spot alone and veg for a few hours, reappear tomorrow like I always do. Now I think we both have a greater purpose.” Bucky finally looked over. “We got a small creature to save that deserves a break just like we do.”</p>
<p>“You sure?” Bucky asked. “I can leave if you want and-”</p>
<p>“Nah.” Clint packed up his bag, including the blanket. “You owe me breakfast though. I know a place.”</p>
<p>“I don’t have any money,” Bucky said before he started to smile. It was different from before- it had a hint of mischief, a glint in his eyes that was new. “Guess you are going to have to take me out on this one.”</p>
<p>Clint didn’t read too much into it, even if he wanted to. “I swear, everyone in this Tower abuses me more than we abuse Tony,” Clint complained playfully. “Help me up. I’m old and stiff.”</p>
<p>“I’m over a hundred,” Bucky said with a level of fake dryness as he helped Clint to his feet.</p>
<p>“Don’t look a day over twenty-five,” Clint complimented, bending over to pick up the bag. “We’ll online shop for cat things. Jarvis works on my phone. It’ll be here in, like, four hours. By that time we should have the thing wrangled in.”</p>
<p>“His name is Alpine and he is not a thing. He is… purrfect.”</p>
<p>Clint’s hand slapped over Bucky’s arm before he gripped it, startling Bucky. “Did you… did you just tell a pun?” he asked, sort of breathless. Bucky’s face started to turn red and he seemed to be at a loss for words. “Bucky, Barnes, pal… I think we are going to get along great.” Clint slung his arm around Bucky and grinned as the pair headed inside.</p>
<p>It was a break in his normal pattern, and it left Clint a little uneasy for a while. But over their walk, and over breakfast, Clint got to see a whole different side of Bucky. He watched as the man across from him opened up, a smile playing out on his lips more and more as the minutes ticked by for hours. He watched as Bucky absolute melted over the tiny white kitten, cooing at it and gushing over every little action. </p>
<p>By the time they parted Bucky had transformed Steve’s apartment to a kitten sanctuary, and Clint wasn’t sure if Steve was confused or happy, or maybe it was both. He looked at Clint helplessly a few times but all Clint could do was shrug before climbing up on Bucky’s shoulders to help lay out some sort of wall mount path for the kitten, ledges everywhere that the little thing could jump to, places to curl up and hide away. After all their hard work, Alpine seemed to prefer laying inside Clint’s overturned boot the most.</p>
<p>It wasn’t until Clint dragged himself to his room for bed that he realized something he hadn’t in all the activity. Bucky hadn’t needed space, nor did he seem to need alone time- he just needed someone to reassure him that what he was feeling was okay, was normal. Bucky needed to know that it was okay to have a good time. Why he had picked Clint for that experiment Clint wasn’t sure. Maybe Steve had told Bucky about his past, or maybe it was just Clint made himself available for that kind of communication in a way he hadn’t known.</p>
<p>It wasn’t until Clint was curled up in his bed did he realize that maybe on the bad days he didn’t need to be alone either. That maybe all he needed was to find someone willing to sit through the silence with him without giving him a pitying look or making suggestions on how to flip his mood. He just needed someone else to tell him it was okay to not be okay. And maybe that person was Bucky.</p>
<p>Clint supposed only time would tell.</p>
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